


Can't Risk It

by SoulsForYourSoup



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brother Feels, Dads On A Hunting Trip..., Episode: s01e01 Pilot, F/M, Gen, Hunter Dean, Hurt Dean Winchester, John Winchester is Missing, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Light Angst, POV Sam Winchester, Sam doesn't go with dean, Sam says no, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Student Sam Winchester, The Family Business, The Winchester Family (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:35:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23451805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulsForYourSoup/pseuds/SoulsForYourSoup
Summary: Dean comes to get Sam from Stanford but his little brother decides not to hit the road with him.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	Can't Risk It

**Author's Note:**

> some of the dialogue was taken directly from the show to add to how the show could have started if Sam had said no

Sam’s eyes flicked open. He looked around the room and felt out to his side until he felt his fingers brush Jess. She was still asleep and Sam couldn’t place what had woken him. He strained his ears to find the disturbance. He hoped it was only a car horn or the apartment building shift or some drunk freshmen coming home from a party but just because he left the life doesn’t mean the life left him. Nothing moved for so long Sam almost laid back down but then he heard a floorboard creak. It was an older building but floors don’t creak on their own.

He flung his legs out from the covers and onto the floor. It was cold on his toes but he hardly noticed. His heart was pounding in his ears and his breath was coming fast. He did his best to calm it. He was out of practice but he wasn’t that off his game yet, damnit. He carefully walked down the hall. He kept to the edges to minimize the sound his large frame was bound to make. The window was open. But not enough for anything bigger than a raccoon and Sam was willing to bet whatever it was was not that cuddly. He looked to his left and through the hall and the bead curtains. A dark shadow moved across the opening. Sam moved forwards hidden by the wall and waited for it to walk by. The outline of the hair and jacket crept into his subconscious as familiar but he wasn’t processing it. There was a stranger in his house and he needed them out. Now.  
Sam reached forward and put them in a chokehold. The man fought back. They traded blows back and forth and gradually moved into Sam’s living room. The other man managed to tip Sam off-balance and took him down and into the ground. Sam felt the pain lace-up from his back hitting the hardwood but it was not as bad as it should have been. Sam’s senses and brain caught up with him before he caught the grinning face above him.

“Whoa, easy tiger,”

“Dean?”

Dean let out a small chuckle. Sam’s nose was overwhelmed by stale smoke and leather. It reminded him of everything he struggled to leave behind but the gunpowder also reminded him of why he needed to do it.

“You scared the crap outta me,” Sam panted between breaths.

“That’s ‘cause you’re out of practice,”

Sam switched his grip and kicked high legs, reversing their positions.

“Or not. Get off me.”

Sam tapped Dean’s leg before standing and hauling his brother up.  
“Dean, what the hell are you doing here?”

Dean reached up and gave Sam’s shoulders a good-natured shake. “Well, I was lookin’ for a beer,”

“What the hell are you doing here.”

Dean nodded, “Okay. Alright. We gotta talk,”

“Uh, the phone?”

“If I'd called, would you’ve picked up?”

Sam opened his mouth to defend himself but they both know he wouldn’t have picked up. That he has been ignoring Dean’s calls for the past year and a random call would have gone to voicemail.

“Sam?”

They both turned to the sudden voice. They’d woken up Jess. She was still in her underwear and her smurfs t-shirt and looked barely coherent.

“Jess. Hey.” Sam looked between her and her brother, “Dean, this is my girlfriend, Jessica.” Sam watched Dean’s face to gauge his reaction.

“Wait, your brother Dean?” She looked unsure if she had said the right name.

“Smurfs. Nice,” Dean grinned.

“Just, let me put something on.” She looked awkward.

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Dean waved his hand dismissively. “Anyway, I’ve gotta borrow your boyfriend here to talk about some private family business but nice meetin’ you,” Sam was surprised. He had half expected Dean to hit on Jess. Dean didn’t even try anything.

“No,” Sam moved to stand beside Jess, “Whatever you want to say, you can say it in front of her.”

Dean gave a sharp nod. He wasn’t happy with Sam’s decision but didn’t seem surprised. “Okay. Uh. Dads on a hunting trip. And he hasn’t been home in a few days.”

“So, he’s workin’ overtime on a Miller time shift. He’ll stumble back in sooner or later.” Sam felt irritation bubble up. He wasn’t about to start working himself up over nothing.

Dean looked at his shoes, “Dad’s on a hunting trip. And he hasn’t been home in a few days.”

Sam’s stomach rolled over. “Jess, excuse us. We have to go outside.”

Sam followed Dean down the stairs from his apartment. “I mean come on. You can’t just break in, middle of the night and expect me to hit the road with you.”

“You’re not hearing me, Sammy. Dads missing. I need you to help me find him.”

“You remember the poltergeist in Amherst? Or the Devil's Gates in Clifton? He was missing then, too. He's always missing, and he's always fine.”

They both stop as Dean turns to look up at him on the stairs, “Not for this long. Now, are you gonna come with me or not?”

“I'm not.”

“Why not?” He said. He didn’t seem overly surprised.

“I swore I was done hunting. For good.” And he meant it. He wasn’t going to come running every time someone called wolf. He’d never be able to stay out if he got involved with anything.

“Come on. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't that bad.” Dean tossed over his shoulder as he started back down the stairs. Sam hurried after him.

“Yeah? When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45.” They stopped by the door leading outside at the bottom of the stairs.

“Well, what was he supposed to do?”

Sam’s eyes widened. “I was nine years old! He was supposed to say, don't be afraid of the dark.”

“Don't be afraid of the dark? Are you kidding me?” Dean said, incredulous, “Of course you should be afraid of the dark. You know what's out there.”

“Yeah, I know, but still. The way we grew up, after Mom was killed, and Dad's obsession to find the thing that killed her.” Sam watches Dean closely as he looks out the window.

“But we still haven't found the damn thing. So we kill everything we can find.”

“We save a lot of people doing it, too.” Dean had a ring of pride in his voice.

They stewed in silence for a moment. “You think Mom would have wanted this for us?”

Dean rolled his eyes and slammed the door open. Sam follows Dean down a short flight of steps to the parking lot. “The weapon training, and melting the silver into bullets? Man, Dean, we were raised like warriors.” Sam said following his brother to the Impala

“So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it?”

Sam shook his head. “No. Not normal. Safe.”

“And that's why you ran away,” Dean spoke softly looking down at the Impala.

“I was just going to college. It was Dad who said if I was gonna go I should stay gone. And that's what I'm doing.” Sam put his chin up in a sort of challenge.

“Yeah, well, Dad's in real trouble right now. If he's not dead already. I can feel it.” Sam didn’t say anything. Sam was surprised he had half expected Dean to defend their dad.

“I can't do this alone.” Dean looked very small for the man Sam knew he could be. He just couldn’t tell if it was on purpose or not.

“Yes, you can.”

Dean looked away. “Yeah, well, I don't want to.”

Sam let out a sigh, thinking. “So when Dad left, why didn't you go with him?

“I was working my own gig. This, uh, voodoo thing, down in New Orleans.”

Sam’s eyes widened. Surprise coating his words, “Dad let you go on a hunting trip by yourself?”

Dean shot Sam a look. “I'm twenty-six, dude.”

“More reason you don’t need me for this,” Sam stressed the words.

“You know, in almost a whole year I've never bothered you, never asked you for a thing.”

Sam looked away and sighed. He remembered that conversation. He’s kinda shocked Dean even came to see him. He looked back at his brother. Dean gave nothing away. He let out another heavy sigh. “I’m sorry Dean. I can’t. I just can’t. I’ve got this interview on Monday.”

“What, a job interview? Three days from now? Skip it.”

“It's a Stanford scholarship interview, and it's my whole future of becoming a lawyer on a plate .”

Dean blinked before smirking, “Lawyer, huh?”

“Yes. I’m sorry Dean, but I can’t just come running whenever dads gone for a few days.” Sam said, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Sammy, he’s not gone. He’s missing,”

Sam looked away, “Dean, I left for a reason. I need to stay out. If I go back for this, what about next time? Or the time after that? Where would it end? I got out and I want it to stay that way. “

“He’s in real big trouble Sam, I can feel it,” Distress seeped into Dean’s voice.

“Dean. I already said I’m not helping you. I can’t have anything to do with the life. I’m out now and it has to stay that way. I have Jess now.” Sam gave him a significant look.

“Right. You have Jess now. Does she know about you? About the family business?”

“No. And she’s never going to find out.”

“Yeah, ‘cause that's healthy,” Dean scoffed

“No, it’s safe.”

“Just 'cause you’re trying to forget the life doesn’t mean it’s gonna forget you. Or her. Be careful Sam.”

“Trying to. You’re not exactly helping.”

“Alright, I get it.” Dean’s shoulders deflated Lifting his hands placatingly.

“No Dean, I don’t think you do.” Sam felt his blood start to rise, “I’m safer now. My life is finally turning up. I’m not going to let this slip. I can’t have any connection to my old life. I need to start fresh.”

“And that’s why you’ve been ignoring my calls.” Dean was looking just past Sam’s shoulder, refusing to look at him.

“I can’t risk it, Dean. I just can’t.”

“Not even to let your brother know you're not dead yet? One phone call Sam. Just one.” Dean’s voice cracked.

“One phone call would turn into more and you know it. We would’ve kept talking and the next thing I’d know I’d be dragged on a hunt somewhere.”

“I wouldn't of done that,” Dean said, defensive.

“Yes, you would’ve. First time I’ve seen you in a year and the first thing you do is ask me to hit the road with you.” Sam said, sharpness dripping into his voice.

“Actually, I asked for a beer.” Sam gave him a look. “Alright. Fine.”

“I just can’t do it, Dean. I can’t have one foot in and one foot out. I’ll end up two feet on one side and it’s not gonna be the one I want. That’s not how it works.” Sam brandished a hand.

“A call doesn't have to be about the family business, Sam. You know that” Dean was starting to look distraught.

“That’s not a chance I’m willing to take. Dad woulda found out and I would be dragged back before I had a chance to blink,”

“Dad wouldn't have had to find out Sam!” Dean’s voice rose. There was a hysteria to his voice. Sam wasn’t sure what to do with it.

“We both know he would have,”

“No-”

Sam cut Dean off before he could start, “Yes, he would. He woulda asked and you would have spilled. He told me If I left not to look back. And that’s what I’m doing, Dean.”

“Yeah, he said that. I never said-”

“That’s right, Dean! You didn’t say anything! You never say anything! At least pick a damn side!” Sam thrust his hands in the air.

“I’ve always been on your side, Sam!”

“Yeah right! That was quite the show of support Dean!”

“I drove you to the bus station! Lent you enough cash to get started!”

“That’s not a side!” Sam was starting to get exasperated.

“Apparently!” Dean’s voice softened as if saying it to himself. “Not enough for you, too much for him,” He sounded weary.

Sam’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Nothin’” Dean trust his hands into the deep pockets of his jacket

“I think you should go.”

“Yeah,” Dean said, not looking at him.

“I hope you find him. I miss you, Dean.” And he meant it.

“Yeah, well. You sure gotta funny way of showin' it.” Dean scuffed his shoes.

“I’m sorry Dean, I just can’t risk it.”

Dean sighed. “Nah, I get it. I come with baggage. It’s fine.” He opened the door to the Impala, “Have a good life, Sammy.” Dean shut the door behind him. Still not looking at Sam.

He put his hand on the roof of the car and looked in through the window, “Jerk.”

Dean didn’t reply as he started the car. It was so long, Sam thought he wasn’t going to say anything before a small, “...bitch,” drifted up to Sam.

A small sad smile came to Sam’s face. Dean scanned it, absorbing his face. Whatever he was looking for, Sam wasn’t sure if he found it or not. But Dean gave him a small nod before he put the Impala in drive and accelerated out of the parking lot and onto the main road. Sam stayed until the last of the tail lights blinked out from sight.

*

Sam stood over the bed leaning on the messy covers.

“Was that about your dad? Is he all right?

“Yeah. You know, just a little family drama.”

“Your brother said he was on some kind of hunting trip.”

Jess comes up behind him and hugs him around the middle, pressing a cheek into Sam’s shoulder.

“Oh, yeah, he's just deer hunting up at the cabin, he's probably got Jim, Jack, and José along with him. No need for me to leave just to go bring him back. Dean’s got it under control,”

“You sure you're okay? Will they be okay?” Jess asked. Sam could feel her cheek moved as she talked.

Sam let out a small laugh, “I'm fine.”

“It's just...you won't even talk about your family. And now your brother comes here in the middle of the night trying to get you to take off and spend the weekend with them? And with Monday coming up, which is kind of a huge deal. Is that why you didn’t go?”

Sam turned to look at her, “Hey. Everything's going to be okay. I’m sure Dean’ll find dad. He was just a little freaked. He’ll be fine. They both will. They always are, I promise.” Sam wasn’t really sure who he was reassuring.

“Why didn’t Dean stay for the night? It’s late. Our couch is bad but it can’t be that bad,” Jess said, trying to ease the tension.

“Nah, he wanted to get back on the road is all, wasting daylight and all.”

“Sam. It’s the middle of the night.”

“Yeah, I know. He just couldn’t stay.”

“Did you even offer?”

“Can we talk about something else, please?”

Jess opened her mouth but seemed to change her mind. “Sure. I’m going to go to the bathroom before going back to bed. You sure you’re okay?”

Sam nodded and gave her a sheepish grin, “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

He waited until she left the room before letting out a heavy sigh. He was in bed pretending to be asleep by the time she came back. He laid thinking for a long time before the sun started to seep into the room and he found that he never did manage to fall back asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> this thing has been bothering me for a few days


End file.
